Building Your Own Narrative in Journaling

Journaling is a conversation with yourself that no one else is invited to, a dialogue where the roles of speaker, listener, hero, and antagonist blur. It’s your story, your voice, and your narrative—raw, unfiltered, and safe. Or so we like to think. But every narrative comes with a choice: How do you position yourself within the story?

The pronouns we choose—I, they, we—are not mere grammatical tools but psychological lenses. They shape the story we tell ourselves and, ultimately, the life we live. Let’s delve into what it means to construct a personal narrative through journaling and debate the double-edged impact of the two most common players: the intimate “I” and the distanced “they.”

The All-Consuming “I”

The Pros:

The “I” pronoun in journaling is empowerment incarnate. It centers you as the narrator, the protagonist, and the one with agency. When you write, “I felt overwhelmed today,” or, “I am proud of how I handled that situation,” you claim your feelings, decisions, and actions.

This direct ownership creates clarity. Writing “I” helps you see yourself more honestly, especially in emotionally murky waters. A bad day becomes, “I am feeling frustrated,” instead of dissolving into vague unease. Likewise, “I am grateful for my effort” anchors your wins in self-awareness.

Journaling with “I” encourages accountability. If you constantly feel that life is spiraling, turning to “I” can help reveal patterns: I procrastinate when I’m anxious. I eat junk food when I’m lonely. I thrive when I stick to a morning routine. You stop running from the truth because the truth has a name, and that name is you.

The Cons:

But the “I” can also trap you. There’s a fine line between self-awareness and self-absorption, and journaling often nudges us toward the latter. Writing about yourself for pages at a time can turn your journal into an echo chamber where every thought feels more significant than it is.

Take, for example, the tendency to overanalyze. “Why did I say that? Why do I always mess things up? Why can’t I be better?” These spirals feel productive in the moment but often leave us stuck. The more you write “I,” the more you might tether yourself to self-critical narratives that are as rigid as they are untrue.

Even worse, the “I” can inflame the victim narrative. “Why does this always happen to me? Why don’t they understand me?” Here, the “I” becomes a locus of helplessness, not agency. If unchecked, it can cement your belief that life happens to you rather than for you.

The Distant “They”

The Pros:

“They” shifts the lens outward. When you write about others—your friends, colleagues, strangers—you engage in the delicate art of perspective-taking. They didn’t text me back. They always have something negative to say. They supported me in a way I didn’t expect.

This narrative distance can bring objectivity. Journaling about “they” helps you analyze interactions without overpersonalizing them. When you recount how they reacted in a meeting, you might notice patterns in their behavior that have nothing to do with you.

“They” also fosters gratitude. Writing, “They helped me when I was struggling,” or, “They make me laugh when I’m stressed,” reminds you of your connections to others. It builds a record of people’s kindnesses that you might otherwise forget in the shuffle of everyday life.

The Cons:

But “they” can also be dangerous. The moment you shift your gaze outward, you risk losing the honesty that makes journaling valuable. Blame creeps in: “They always ignore me,” or, “They’re the reason I can’t focus.” It’s easier to see faults in others than to confront your own.

“They” also tempts you into oversimplification. Relationships are complex, but in journaling, it’s tempting to reduce people to archetypes: the villain who wronged you, the friend who let you down, the stranger who annoyed you. These narratives may feel cathartic, but they’re often incomplete—and potentially damaging to your relationships.

The Narrative Tug-of-War: “I” vs. “They”

The tension between “I” and “they” is, at its core, a tension between agency and objectivity. Do you take full ownership of your feelings and actions, or do you place them within the broader web of human interaction?

Neither approach is inherently better. In fact, the healthiest journaling practice often involves a dynamic interplay between the two. Here’s an example:

• All “I”: “I can’t believe I failed that presentation. I’m so bad at public speaking. I shouldn’t have even tried.”

• All “They”: “They weren’t paying attention. They didn’t even care about my presentation. They probably think I’m terrible at my job.”

• Balanced Narrative: “I felt nervous during the presentation, and I struggled to stay confident. They seemed distracted, which made me more anxious. But they did give me some helpful feedback afterward.”

The balanced narrative acknowledges your feelings without losing sight of external factors. It’s honest without being indulgent.

When Journaling Becomes Myth-Making

Here’s where things get more complicated: journaling isn’t just about recounting events; it’s about shaping them. Every time you write, you construct a narrative that influences how you remember the past and perceive the present.

The Positive Side of Myth-Making:

Journaling lets you reframe your experiences in empowering ways. Instead of writing, “I failed the interview,” you can write, “I learned what to improve for next time.” Instead of, “They hurt me,” you might write, “They were struggling in ways I didn’t understand.”

This reframing isn’t delusion—it’s resilience. It’s choosing to interpret your life in a way that fosters growth and connection.

The Negative Side of Myth-Making:

But myth-making has a dark side. If you constantly rewrite events to suit your ego, you risk losing touch with reality. Maybe you convince yourself that they were the problem in every conflict, or that I was the hero in every challenge. These narratives feel comforting, but they often deepen your blind spots.

Worse, they can calcify over time. If your journal repeatedly casts you as the victim or the martyr, you might start believing that’s who you are. If it constantly portrays others as villains, your relationships may suffer.

Practical Tips for Balanced Journaling

If you want to harness the power of journaling without falling into its traps, consider these strategies:

1. Switch Pronouns Intentionally:

Alternate between “I” and “they” depending on what you’re exploring. Use “I” for self-reflection and accountability, and “they” for empathy and objectivity.

2. Write Dialogue:

Instead of just describing events, try writing imagined conversations. What would you say to yourself? What do you think they would say in response? This exercise can reveal hidden nuances.

3. Ask Questions:

Instead of fixating on conclusions, stay curious. Write, “Why do I feel this way?” or, “What might they have been thinking?” Questions open doors that definitive statements often close.

4. Use Prompts to Shift Focus:

Some days, your narrative will naturally lean toward “I”; other days, it will lean toward “they.” To maintain balance, use prompts like:

• “What did I learn about myself today?”

• “How did someone else impact my day?”

5. Reread with Fresh Eyes:

Periodically revisit old entries to identify patterns. Are you always the hero? Always the victim? Always blaming others? Awareness is the first step toward balance.

Journaling is a tool, and like any tool, it’s only as effective as its user. Whether you lean into the immediacy of “I” or the detachment of “they,” remember this: the story you write is not just a reflection of your life—it’s a blueprint for how you’ll live it.

Own your narrative, but don’t let it own you. Use “I” to know yourself. Use “they” to understand others. And above all, use journaling to write the truest version of your life—not the most convenient one.