on what offends you
Offense is a mirror. The things that anger you, upset you, or make you recoil in disgust—they say something about the world, sure. But mostly, they say something about you.
A man who is easily offended is a man easily controlled. He spends his time reacting, not thinking. He assumes that his emotions are the final authority. He never asks: Why does this bother me so much?
To face what offends you—to really stare it down without flinching—is an act of courage. And courage is not found in the easy acceptance of every idea, nor in blind opposition. It is found in the willingness to examine your own discomfort.
1. Recognize the Flinch
You know the feeling. Tight chest. Rising heat. That split-second flinch before you justify why something is wrong, bad, or beneath you. Before you share your opinion. Before you dismiss it.
That flinch is gold. It’s the raw material of self-awareness. Instead of immediately reacting, hold the moment. Stay with the discomfort. Instead of saying, This offends me because it’s obviously wrong, ask:
• What does this threaten in me?
• What belief, value, or identity is under attack?
• What would it mean if this idea were true—or if I were wrong?
2. Separate the Emotion from the Argument
Offense is emotional. But not every emotion deserves blind obedience. Just because something feels wrong doesn’t mean it is wrong. The question isn’t Do I like this? but Is there truth in this?
You might hate what someone says. You might find it repulsive. But truth is indifferent to your preferences. A brave man chases the truth, even when it wounds his pride.
3. Resist the Need to Win
If you enter every disagreement needing to win, you’ve already lost. The need to be right at all costs turns a conversation into a battlefield. And battlefields are places where people dig trenches, not where they expand their thinking.
Instead, aim for something better: understanding. Try saying, I disagree, but I want to know why you think that. Listen without waiting for your turn to talk. Test your own beliefs against the strongest arguments you can find. See if they hold up.
4. Accept That You Are Not Perfect
Much of offense comes from pride—the belief that I already know, I already understand, and if you challenge me, you must be wrong. But wisdom begins with admitting your own blind spots.
What offends you today might make sense to you in ten years. Or maybe not. But being open to the possibility of growth is the difference between stagnation and strength.
5. Choose Your Battles Wisely
Not everything deserves your energy. Some ideas are worth engaging with. Others are not. The internet will hand you an infinite supply of reasons to be angry. You do not need to accept all of them.
The brave man is not the one who fights every battle—he is the one who chooses his battles deliberately. He knows when to stand firm and when to walk away.
The Bottom Line
Offense is an opportunity. It is a chance to see yourself more clearly. To test your beliefs. To sharpen your thinking. To grow.
But that only happens if you are brave enough to sit with your discomfort instead of running from it.
And most people aren’t that brave.
