Why you’ll never feel like a real adult
There’s a moment in your twenties—or maybe your thirties—when you walk into a bank, a hospital, or a meeting, and for half a second you think,
“Wait… they’re going to realize I don’t belong here.”
You’re dressed the part.
You have the job.
The keys.
The insurance card.
Maybe even the mortgage.
But somewhere in the back of your brain, the twelve-year-old you is looking around like,
“Seriously? They let us in here?”
And you can’t quite shake it.
The Lie You Were Sold as a Kid
When you were younger, adults were giants.
They drove cars. They knew things.
They had it together.
Your parents would whisper in grown-up code behind closed doors,
teachers would sip coffee and talk about “the real world,”
and every older cousin who got a job suddenly carried a heavy, mysterious aura.
It felt like you’d be initiated at some point.
Like there’d be a moment where someone would pull you aside and say:
“Okay, you’re in. Here’s the manual. Here’s how it works.”
That moment never came.
And you’ve been waiting for it ever since.
Why the Feeling Never Arrives
Here’s the quiet truth:
There is no “real adult” feeling.
There’s no finish line.
There’s just you, doing your best, wearing slightly better shoes than you used to.
You never feel like a real adult because the definition of one keeps moving.
When you were a teenager, you thought it meant turning 21.
At 21, you thought it was getting a job.
At 25, maybe it was moving out.
At 30, maybe it’s getting married or having kids.
But even people with all of that—
the spouse, the kids, the house, the taxes—
they’ll tell you the same thing in private:
“I still feel like I’m faking it.”
You’re Not Alone (And You’re Not Broken)
The feeling you’re chasing is certainty.
And certainty is a myth.
The older you get, the more you realize that everyone is just figuring it out as they go.
The “real adults” you grew up around?
They were winging it too.
They just didn’t show their doubts because they thought they weren’t supposed to.
So we all inherit this lie:
That we’re the only ones confused.
That everyone else knows what they’re doing.
But look around:
Even CEOs are scared.
Even parents question every decision.
Even therapists have therapists.
What Actually Makes You an Adult
It’s not a job title.
It’s not a marriage certificate.
It’s not how much you know, or how often you floss.
Being an adult is this:
Taking responsibility for yourself when you’d rather not.
It’s calling the doctor.
Paying the bills.
Getting up even when you’re tired and no one’s watching.
It’s not about confidence.
It’s about commitment.
The Freedom in Admitting It
The sooner you stop waiting to feel like an adult,
the sooner you become one.
Because when you accept that no one really knows what they’re doing—
not entirely—
you give yourself permission to keep growing,
to keep learning,
to mess up,
and to start over.
Being a “real adult” isn’t about reaching a final version of yourself.
It’s about learning to carry your confusion without shame.
So next time you’re in a room full of “grown-ups”
and you feel like a kid in costume—
remember:
Everyone else is just better at hiding their Halloween mask.
5 Journaling Prompts to Go Deeper
What moments make you feel like you’re still a kid pretending to be an adult?
What are some responsibilities you’ve taken on that your younger self would be proud of?
What does “being a real adult” mean to you—and where did that idea come from?
When have you felt confident in your decisions, even if you didn’t feel “ready”?
What kind of adult do you want to become—and what would that version of you do today?
